guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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