didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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