My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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