be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
