Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
