3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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