Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
