Do you still have your period?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize