I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
