We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
