Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
