Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
