he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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