i just wanna soil my oats bro
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
