You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Boobs are out for the taking
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
