I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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