I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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