My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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