Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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