I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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