I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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