I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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