well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
