i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
