woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
COCAINE IS GR8
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize