We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
