Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
