the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Damn victory sex feels great
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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