if i can run in heels then i can drive
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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