having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
