I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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