You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
