you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
