Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
