You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
