GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize