She is in my trunk
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
