turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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