becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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