Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
