Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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