I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
