I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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