i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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