dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
