shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
