Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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