Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
