If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize