I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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