I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
