That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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