Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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