Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
