Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
