o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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