nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drunk is a universal language darling
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
