True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize