Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
