my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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