ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
