I can text with my tongue
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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