I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
