idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
