What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
