She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
