How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
