ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
