arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
