Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
