come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
