In the future we'll all be gay
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
