i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
