never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
