i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
