I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
