so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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