...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
