paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
