: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
