I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
