So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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