Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
