My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
