I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
