So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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