I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
