I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
