i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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