we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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